Friday Nope #9 – You’re Not As Poetic As You Think You Are, D*ckhead

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Welcome to my Friday Nope! 

Why a Friday Nope ? I decided to create this new weekly meme because even though I have neither the strength nor the time to write a full review for every book I hate, I‘d hate to see people hurt by books I could have warned them against. As explained in my first post, Friday Nope will give me the opportunity to introduce one or two books I didn’t like at all, and briefly explain why.

If you would like to join me in this meme, feel free to do so! Just link back to this post, so I can easily see it and share it here!

But without waiting more, here’s my book for today!

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What is it ? The Player and The Pixie is the second novel of a contemporary romance series written by L.H Cosway and Penny Reid, Rugby.

TW – cissexism, racist discourse

Why did I hate ? Hmm, let’s meet our romantic hero, shall we?

“What do you want to do?”
“I’d like to lick your pussy.”

O-KAY. Shh. I’m going to close my reader sloooowly and let these two happily wander towards their HEA, okay? I tried and turned off my inner sarcasm but I just. cannot. go. on.

Ô, the Failed Potential

Such a great idea gone to waste, unfortunately. Although I didn’t like The Hooker and the Hermit, the first novel of the series (because I’m allergic to “caged-in” types of guys, they make me claustrophobic), The Player and the Pixie appealed to me because… Well, because how many times did you read about a male-lead who sucked at sex? 

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My point exactly. Romance novels are so full of hot tongues, formidable erections and mind-blowing first times that I thought it would be refreshing to read about a hot guy lacking any skills during the intercourse (I always dreamed to write this word. So deliciously cheesy). Anyway, it could have grabbed me but it was without counting that,

1) I’m constantly amazed and baffled by these women who manage to answer asshole-ish comments by putting their hand on the guy’s shoulder and saying things along the lines as,

“aw you poor thing, you’re so sad.” 

And they’re not even sarcastic!? They actually mean it?! Help me, because I genuinely don’t get it? How do you do that? Is there some social skill I’m lacking? (maybe – I’m French, I’m rude by nature am I not?) I’m not saying that the right answer is necessarily “fuck off” (although…), but there must be a right balance to find? It makes it so, so hard for me to connect with this kind of MCs, even if Lucy isn’t technically a doormat (yet). I like her enough, but I do not get her. 

2) I can like assholes, but only to a certain extent? In order for me to root for a character, especially if romance is involved and if he’s not supposed to be a villain, I need him to be… well, decent. He can play around, but only if he doesn’t show double standards. He can be smartass and sarcastic, but there are some lines I’m not ready to cross, like, I don’t know, racism. 

Tell me what the fuck is this. 

“So,” he broached, “who’s the Mocha Frappuccino back inside? Your boyfriend?”
I stopped immediately and turned to face him, my expression devoid of humor. “Could you be any more racist?”
“I’m not being racist. I’m being descriptive. I’ll have you know that some of the warmest nights of my life have been spent with women of color. Lovely, lovely colors.”

[ensues Lucy’s answer about how she doesn’t want to hear about his conquests]

SERIOUSLY? I’ll have you know that you took the “I’m not racist, I have a friend who’s black!” crap to a whole new level, Jerkface. Lucy calls him on it (because she’s decent, remember, the “aw you poor thing” shoulder hug) but in the end, it doesn’t matter.

I cannot care about Sean’s HEA when every time he opens his mouth I want to (violently) shut it, can I?

He annoys me, and above that, he’s one-dimensional and completely uninteresting. How am I supposed to suffer through his POV now tell me? And the guy’s actually talking to me, telling the reader to stop clutching their pearls and I’m like – HUH?! What do you mean, Dickhead? It’s a sweatshirt. Anyway. Ugh. Do not talk to me.

3) There’s no chemistry or any… point… to the story. Honestly, I can see the “twists” coming miles away, given that Mister Prick is Lucy’s brother nemesis (oh, the pissing contests! Tell me when to swoon really). While predictability doesn’t necessarily bother me in romance novels, I still need some kind of tension to make me interested. Their instalust, insta-I want to help you thingy going on bores me to death and to be honest, I’m not sure I have in me to enjoy these cardboard people falling in loooove.

Such a shame really.

Rating ? 1 star.

“Nipping lightly at the underside of my jaw, he murmured, “Are you wet?”

Aw. I’ll be missing so many of Sean’s poetic lines. Boohoo, woe is me. DNF 33%.

That’s it for today! See you next week for a new Friday Nope!

5 responses to “Friday Nope #9 – You’re Not As Poetic As You Think You Are, D*ckhead

  1. Have you heard of #cockygate ? Author Faleena Hopkins has copyrighted the word “Cocky” in romance titles. This might be a good topic for your Friday Nope meme. (My first thought when I heard about it was “Nope, there is no way that is true”) Just a thought! I did a post on it too, but I bet more people read this than read mine haha 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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